Cowboy jokes

A starving and dehydrated cowboy walks into a bar with only a nickel. He ask the bartender what he can get for his nickel to which the bartender replies chilli or a shot of whiskey. The cowboy thinks for a second and says screw it and orders the whiskey. The cowboy notices a man sitting down the bar from him resting his head between his hands staring at a bowl of chili. About an hour goes by and the cowboy begins to regret his decision as starvation sets in. A while later the cowboy looks down the bar and notices the man in the same position still staring at his chilli. The cowboy says excuse me sir, are you going to eat you chilli? The man shakes his head and slides it to the cowboy. The cowboy begins devours the chilli but when he gets to the bottom of the bowl he finds a dead rat in the chilli and immediately throws the chilli up back into the bowl. The cowboy looks down the bar and the man sitting at the end says "that's as far as I got to".


Cowboy rides up to a bar. Gets off his horse lifts up its tail and rubs his lips all over the horses asshole. A man says "why did you do that? "
"Chapped lips" the cowboy replied
 "Does that cure it???"
"Nope, but it keeps me from licking them."


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

A cowboy walks into a bar with a gun and snarls, “Alright, which one of you had sex with my wife!!!”A voice coming from the back says, "You don’t have enough bullets."

A cowboy riding his horse on the range come upon a Indian lying naked on the ground with a huge erections. He asks the Indian "what are you doing?" The Indian replies, "me telling time. It's noon, right now."
The cowboy continues riding and comes across another Indian, lying naked on the ground with an erection. The cowboy knowing ask, "what time is it?" "1pm" replies the Indian.
The cowboy continues to ride again and now finds an Indian lying on the ground and masturbating furiously. "What are you doing?" Ask the cowboy. The Indian replies, "me wind'em watch. "

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand...
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.
Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'Nah I don't think it'll be funny if I'll have to explain it five times'.

If you want to read more jokes:

• Soviet jokes
• Jewish jokes

Thank you!